Cooking with KG: the Celtics' Kevin Garnett sounds off on team chemistry

History has shown that a lockout shortened season produces inferior quality basketball. Shorter training camps, lack of a pre season, less time between games, and more injuries are all factors that detract from the game, as the Celtics' Kevin Garnett addressed through use of a stomach churning metaphor:

"Timing is everything. Chemistry is something that you don't just throw in the frying pan and mix it up with another something, then throw it on top of something, then fry it up and put it in a tortilla and put in a microwave, heat it up and give it to you and expect it to taste good. You know? For those of you who can cook, y'all know what I'm talking about. If y'all can't cook, this doesn't concern you."

Garnett is a perennial first team all defensive player, future first ballot a hall of famer, and mufti-millionaire, but from the sound of it either KG spends some of those millions employing a personal chef or dinner at his house is really interesting. Maybe while he's at it, Garnett can find a recipe for a 0-3 Celtics team still starving for its first victory.

 

                                                      video courtesy of NESN.com

Black Friday deal of the century: NBA lockout over

Various media outlets are reporting that the NBA and the Players Association have reached a tentative deal ending the lockout. It appears there won't be coal in the stockings of NBA fans this year, as the agreement has the season slated to start on Christmas day.

The news comes as a great relief to players, owners, and fans alike, with the exception of Kris Humphries who will undoubtedly be subjected to heckling over his failed marriage that broke down quicker than Monta Ellis splitting a double team, and Cleveland Cavalier fans who will have to endure an awful basketball team on top of a harsh Ohio winter.

Man vs. Food to Al Harrington: Don't quit your day job

Loyal fans, team employees, and now Al Harrington's heart and arteries are just a few entries on the growing list of casualties claimed by the NBA lockout. Last weekend the Nuggets forward attempted and subsequently failed the Bugsy Challenge at the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas. Harrington, who averaged 10.5 PPG and 4.6 RPG for Denver last season, was obviously looking to boost his career LDL numbers by devouring this humongous hunk of hamburger heaven.

From Haute Living via Balls Don't Lie:

a burger with six one-third-pound burger patties, six types of cheese (American, cheddar, pepper jack, fresh house-made mozzarella, Swiss and panko-crusted deep-fried provolone), chorizo, sautéed mushrooms, black and tan onion rings, three strips of applewood smoked bacon, three strips of cayenne peppered bacon and a fried egg, all oozing with Burger Joint's special pink peppercorn aioli. This massive burger is accompanied by a cast iron skillet packed with two whole potatoes cut in wedges and deep fried, then smothered in cheddar cheese sauce, three-cheese blend, crumbled bacon, sliced green onions and topped with two strips of cayenne peppered bacon.

Although an isolated event, Harrington's weekend of gluttony sheds light on the fact that during a lockout players are largely left to their own devices in the absence of a training camp or structured off season workouts. The injury-laden, inferior basketball played during the lockout shortened season of '98-'99 is a prime example of what may amount to a lost '11-'12 season for a league that started to regain some national traction over the past few years.

Harrington's epic fail is somewhat surprising since it's no secret the man's got a big mouth as evidenced by the amount of trash he talks during a game. Although the Nuggets forward could not finish the massive burger in the allotted 45 minutes, Harrington can proudly declare that he's better than Lebron James (at hamburger eating), because had Lebron attempted a similar feat, he would have undoubtedly choked during the last 5 minutes.

Will Smith becomes part owner of the 76ers, poised to sign Uncle Phil

ESPN is reporting today that the Philadelphia 76ers have been sold to a new ownership group in which actor turned rapper turned actor turned rapper turned actor Will Smith has a minority stake. The announcement makes Smith the latest in a list of musicians to hold partial ownership of NBA franchises, with artists such as Usher (Cavaliers) and Jay-Z (Nets) having crossed over in the past. 

Following the press conference, Smith wasted no time excersing his 0.000001% control over the team by announcing his intent to beef up the team's front-line by signing Philip Banks to a 10-day contract pending the end of the NBA lockout.

"Uncle Phil gives us another weapon on the pick and roll, ha-ha, Big Willie style," Smith added while flashing a goofy smile.

Although it is unclear if Uncle Phil's signing will do much to bolster the team's interior defense or rebounding, his demonstrative screaming and gruff parenting style will undoubtedly charm Sixers fans and viewers alike.

NBA cancels first 2 weeks of season, sales of Rosetta Stone skyrocket

In a move that is surprising only to people who believe in unicorns, Santa Claus, and the inherent good of mankind, NBA commissioner David Stern announced the cancellation of the first two weeks of the regular season.

Stern stated that both sides are "very far apart on virtually all issues. ... We just have a gulf that separates us."

The move means that basketball won't be played until after November 14th at the earliest, but more importantly leaves millions of American basketball fans scrambling to gain fluency in Italian, Turkish, Chinese, and Russian to follow their favorite NBA players in Europe and Asia (see ESPN's guide to overseas player movement). As a service to readers, THMG has included a handy guide of useful phrases to get you through the harsh Russian winter:

Hand down, man down!
Italian: tramandare uomo a terra!
Turkish: adam aşağı elini aşağı!
Russian: руку человека вниз!
Chinese: 上下人的手下來！

Mama, there goes that man! 
Italian: Mamma, ci dice che uomo!
Turkish: Mama, bu adam oraya gider!
Russian: Мама, что там идет человек!
Chinese: 媽媽，有雲，人！

I thought flopping was encouraged in this country?
Italian: Ho pensato flopping stato incoraggiato in questo paese?
Turkish:  Flopping bu ülkede teşvik edildi düşündünüz mü?
Russian: Я думал, на флопе было предложено в этой стране?
Chinese: 我想假摔是在這個國家的鼓勵？ 

Excuse me, where may I park my diamond encrusted Bentley?  
Italian: Mi scusi, dove posso parcheggiare la mia Bentley tempestato di diamanti?
Turkish: Affedersiniz, benim elmas encrusted Bentley nereye park edebilirsiniz?
Russian: Извините меня, где я могу оставить свой золота инкрустирован Bentley?
Chinese:  對不起，我的公園我的鑲滿鑽石賓利的？

What is the quickest way to get to Amsterdam? 
Russian: Qual è il modo più rapido per arrivare a Amsterdam?
Turkish: Amsterdam almak için en hızlı yolu nedir?
Russian: Какой самый быстрый способ добраться до Амстердама?
Chinese: 什麼是最快的方式得到阿姆斯特丹？