hmg definition



High Motor Guy

noun \ˈhī-mō-tər-gī \ 1. an athlete (usually a football player, usually a D-lineman or LBacker, usually not very good) lacking natural ability, but who gives 110% effort 110% of the time on 110% of sports clichés 2. a fresh and exciting sports blog.
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football. Show all posts

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Make 'em say UGG (na-na-nana): Tom Brady & The Patriots rocking some furry footwear


As kickoff approaches for Super Bowl XLVI (that's forty-six, I googled it) many questions that experts and pundits have asked all week will finally be answered. Is the Pats O-line man enough to slow down the vaunted Giants pass rush? Will the Giants' suspect secondary be able to contain the likes of Welker, Hernandez, and a gimpy Gronk? How many talking babies will we see today? Will this year be the year that seeing Danica Patrick in a bikini convinces me that I need a godaddy.com domain name?

However, there is one lingering question that may never be answered, why you so hipster Tom Brady?

It turns out the Super Bowl winning, Brazilian super model wedding, GQ cover modelling QB is also the pitchman for UGG boots. Not only that, but the generous, Beiber-coiffed QB also gave his entire team a pair as a Super Bowl gift. Now I would have been the first person to repack those bad boys, and re-gift them, but not so for Patriots' reserve linebacker Markell Carter:

In one season in New England, the linebacker out of Central Arkansas has not yet dressed for an NFL game.

That did not stop him from looking fly Tuesday.
Carter opted with a pair of gray UGGs for the event. Teammate and UGGs spokesman Tom Brady made Carter's color choice a harder decision than one would imagine.

"I like the black ones, but I feel like the gray ones match a little better," Carter said. "They feel a little better. I love these. Tom's probably given us four or five, maybe six pairs of UGGs this season."



          Source: Y! Sports

Perhaps I'm not secure enough in my masculinity to rock UGGs, or maybe it's because this joke of a Bay Area winter would be tolerable for even the skinniest and most hairless nudist, but the idea of UGGs is not appealing. Then again, when you are 6'4" and 252 lbs you can pretty much wear whatever you want without anybody giving you flack (except me, anonymously via the interenet, puwhahaha).

Thursday, December 1, 2011

These boots are made for walking


Forget UGGs, the clear fashion trend this winter is the walking boot popularized by countless NFL players fashionistas hobbled by various leg and foot injuries. In the Bay Area alone, Raiders players Darren McFadden, Jacoby Ford, and Denarius Moore, as well as the Niners' Michael Crabtree have all sported the boot at some point during the season.

Perhaps I'm out of touch with the wonders of modern sports medicine, but I feel like the term walking boot wasn't even en vogue in the NFL until recently. Gone are the days of athletic tape, so you better sell your stock in ACE bandage because in today's NFL it seems like any player that suffers an injury ends up in a walking boot in hopes of a speedier recovery. The things are so wildly popular, they have even become collectibles and memorabilia (see inset).
 
Michael Crabtree's walking boot w/ 49er team autographs
In fact, the emergence of the walking boot may have coincided with the ever popular sports injury known as the "high ankle sprain." I rolled my ankle plenty of times playing basketball, never was I aware that my ankle could travel up my leg. This also begs the question, if you have cankles can you get a high ankle sprain? Are NFL linemen immune to such injuries? With the number of star caliber players sporting this specialty footwear over the years, from Brady to Roethlisberger to Adrian Peterson, you'd think those boots were made from molded plastic cooled by water from the fountain of youth.

However, the use of the boot is not without some controversy, as a 2009 article from Medical News Today points out:

"Thus we recommend the use of a 10-day below knee cast for the management of severe ankle sprains, or alternatively, an Aircast brace. Neither tubular compression bandage nor the Bledsoe boot are recommended."

The findings suggest that the walking boot, or Bledsoe boot as it's called in the study, may not be the best choice, and I'm inclined to agree if not for the simple fact that the boot shares its namesake with Drew Bledsoe, a quarterback who forever lost his starting job to Tom Brady after getting injured. If that's not bad juju, then I don't know what is.

If you ask me, science needs to take things a step further and create a full body boot to help players recover more quickly. Nintendo has already presented the prototype with its popular Super Mario Bros. franchise.
Mario's status for Week 13 is questionable

Or maybe, instead of having players wear a walking boot, have them drink from Das Boot. Sure the ligaments and tendons won't mend faster, but at least the tremendous amounts of beer will have an analgesic effect for the pain, and you know midweek press conferences will be A LOT more entertaining.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The VickRib is back, get it while supplies last!


The news out of Philadelphia keeps getting worse as Michael Vick's availability for Sunday's key divisional matchup versus the Giants remains uncertain. Head coach Andy Reid, who looks to have thrown back a few gazillion McRibs in his day informed the media Vick suffered two broken ribs on the second play from scrimmage in last week's surprising loss to the lowly Arizona Cardinals. Vick himself didn't use the injury as an excuse, no athlete would, but the possibility remains that Reid used the injury as an explanation for Vick's errant throws throughout last week's game. Of course benching one of Vick's most explosive weapons in Desean Jackson for missing a team meeting didn't help matters, but dishing out discipline is easier when you're at home and projected to crush your opponent (oops).

Vick's decision to play through the pain played out like a failed version of Tony Romo's Week 2 heroics versus the San Francisco 49ers, in which the Texas gunslinger rallied his team to a 4th quarter comeback and subsequent overtime win. Unfortunately for Vick the location of the injury is pretty much where the similarities end, as the Cowboys appear to be playoff bound while the Eagles have better odds of finding actual beef in a Mickey D's cheeseburger than making any noise this season. It's hard to fault Vick's decision as it was a real catch-22 situation. If the Eagles had won this would be a non issue, as it stands they lost and at least you can say Vick is gritty, but sitting out would have been another matter. We all saw how well it worked for Jay Cutler last year in the playoffs. Funny how winning erases the bad taste in peoples' mouths, like guzzling a coke after plowing through a 20 piece McNugget meal. So where do you stand on Vick's decision to stay in the game?

Source: ESPN

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Occupy New York (Jets)


Y! Sports is reporting that 3-time Pro Bowl signal caller Mark Brunell is currently mired in $50 million worth of debt due to a string of bad investments. The news does not shock Ken Ruettgers, former player and current head of gamesover.org, a group dedicated to helping former players transition into everyday life upon leaving the game.

"It's something like 78 percent of former NFL players, two years after their last game, are either bankrupt, divorced, or unemployed," Ruettgers told WAWS-TV in Jacksonville.

At this time it is unknown when Brunell, the former Jaguars star and current Jets backup, will join the tent city on Wall Street, but given the inconsistent nature of the Jets offense a good guess would be by the end of the regular season on January 1st.

Brunell himself could not be reached for comment, but looked inexplicably excited and happy despite his predicament. One can only speculate that his font-like handwriting or love of giant sheets of binder paper are helping ease the pain of financial ruin.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

T.O.'s open workout well attended by chirping crickets and tumbleweeds


Free agent wideout Terrell Owens, fresh off a six month stint of rehab for a torn ACL, held an open workout today for the press and NFL scouts in hopes of landing a new contract with a team. Unfortunately for T.O., his workout, which was promoted by the NFL Network and Owens' agent Drew Rosenhaus, generated the same amount of interest as when I'm at the gym doing dumbbell curls near the pilates class (minus their laughing or my subsequent sobbing).

The showcase was held at Calabasas High School, but the 37 year old veteran may have been better served staging his audition on the croquette lawn at the local senior center as Owens lacked any semblance of the burst necessary to create separation on his routes.

Undaunted by the fact that none of the 32 NFL teams sent reps to the training session, Owens remained confident in stating, "I have faith I'll land on my feet."

I'm all for the guy looking at the situation with the glass half full, but in this case it appears that the glass isn't even on the table any longer. It's a fairly telling sign when your VH1 reality show garners more interest than your ability to catch a football, and the sooner Owens sees the writing on the wall, the sooner he can transition into a cushy commentator gig. With his flash and charisma, Owens would be a natural fit alongside the likes of Keyshawn Johnson or Deion Sanders.
 
Information from the Associated Press was used in this report

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Raiders to Palmer: Mastery of Krebs Cycle required for Sunday start


Raiders offensive coordinator Al Saunders shocked the sports world yesterday morning during an interview on 610 Sports Radio Kansas City when he stated newly acquired quarterback Carson Palmer would start Sunday's contest against the Chiefs "as long as he's breathing."

Palmer, eager to impress his new teammates and Bay Area fan-base, took his coordinator's words to heart and began studying the nuances of cellular respiration from a biology textbook he once saw some Asian students carrying around the USC campus.

When asked how his assimilation to a new team and playbook were going, Palmer responded, "I've got a pretty firm grasp on where the ball needs to go when coach calls Slant Left 787 check swing, check right, but I can't seem to remember that the decarboxylation of oxalosuccinate is the rate limiting step of the Krebs Cycle."

With each passing day it's becoming clear that Palmer will get the start Sunday as he continues to take first team reps and breathe at a very efficient rate, generating an impressive 36 ATP along the way.

In other Raiders' news, the Kyle Boller era in Oakland has ended before it ever got started, and former starter Jason Campbell has begun rehabbing a broken heart clavicle.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Niners tame Lions as Harbaugh and Schwartz engage in Mortal Kombat



The San Francisco 49ers (5-1) notched yet another come from behind road win on Sunday, and in the process dealt the Detroit Lions (5-1) their first loss of the season with a 25-19 victory at a raucous Ford Field. Alex Smith put the Niners ahead for good with just 1:51 remaining in the 4th quarter when he hooked up with Delanie Walker for a 6 yard score on a dramatic 4th and Goal situation. Smith's TD to Walker capped an impressive stretch going back to the second quarter where the Niners rallied from down 0-10 to outscore the Lions 25-9 in the final 3 frames.

The most impressive part of the win is the way that the 49ers dominated the Lions in the trenches, playing a smash mouth style of football personified by their fiery coach Jim Harbaugh. Make no mistake about it, this is not the "physical with an F," run into a wall repeatedly and punt style that was the trademark of the Mike Singletary era. This is a smart kind of dominance, physical toughness tempered by cerebral calculation.

You hear talk across the Bay from Raider's coach Hue Jackson about wanting to create a bully in Oakland, well Harbaugh's Niners are also a bully, but they're a bully that will beat you up just to steal and finish your algebra homework because it's fun. The Niners aren't physical with an F, hell they aren't even physical with a PH, the Niners are physical with a PhD.

Of course it's easy to play smash mouth football when you believe your coach is willing to literally smash the opposing coach in the mouth, as was evidenced in the post game "handshake" between Harbaugh and Lions' coach Jim Schwartz. Harbaugh's post game mea culpa claimed exuberance leading up to a firm handshake, while Schwartz claimed he felt dissed and ignored. Deliberate or not, you can judge for yourself after watching the video below. Anyone familiar with Jim Harbaugh's track record knows he's a passionate guy, but he's also shrewd as they come, and loves his guys to play with an edge harboring an "us against the world" mentality. So after the fines, sound bytes, and pomp and circumstance, what remains is a Niners team sitting atop the NFC West at 5-1, and a Niners coach that just stole Jim Schwartz's homework.



video courtesy of Sports Grid