In a move that is surprising only to people who believe in unicorns, Santa Claus, and the inherent good of mankind, NBA commissioner David Stern announced the cancellation of the first two weeks of the regular season.
Stern stated that both sides are "very far apart on virtually all issues. ... We just have a gulf that separates us."
The move means that basketball won't be played until after November 14th at the earliest, but more importantly leaves millions of American basketball fans scrambling to gain fluency in Italian, Turkish, Chinese, and Russian to follow their favorite NBA players in Europe and Asia (see ESPN's guide to overseas player movement). As a service to readers, THMG has included a handy guide of useful phrases to get you through the harsh Russian winter:
Hand down, man down!
Italian: tramandare uomo a terra!
Turkish: adam aşağı elini aşağı!
Russian: руку человека вниз!
Chinese: 上下人的手下來！
Mama, there goes that man!
Italian: Mamma, ci dice che uomo!
Turkish: Mama, bu adam oraya gider!
Russian: Мама, что там идет человек!
Chinese: 媽媽，有雲，人！
I thought flopping was encouraged in this country?
Italian: Ho pensato flopping stato incoraggiato in questo paese?
Turkish: Flopping bu ülkede teşvik edildi düşündünüz mü?
Russian: Я думал, на флопе было предложено в этой стране?
Chinese: 我想假摔是在這個國家的鼓勵？
Excuse me, where may I park my diamond encrusted Bentley?
Italian: Mi scusi, dove posso parcheggiare la mia Bentley tempestato di diamanti?
Turkish: Affedersiniz, benim elmas encrusted Bentley nereye park edebilirsiniz?
Russian: Извините меня, где я могу оставить свой золота инкрустирован Bentley?
Chinese: 對不起，我的公園我的鑲滿鑽石賓利的？
What is the quickest way to get to Amsterdam?
Russian: Qual è il modo più rapido per arrivare a Amsterdam?
Turkish: Amsterdam almak için en hızlı yolu nedir?
Russian: Какой самый быстрый способ добраться до Амстердама?
Chinese: 什麼是最快的方式得到阿姆斯特丹？
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